You Don’t Need my Advice.

One of the first things students in a Counseling Master’s program learn is that it is not our place to give advice. Advice can come from friends or acquaintances, but it is not my place as a counselor to provide advice. 

Why do I not give advice as a counselor? The answer is simple really. The advice may not work for you. 

Think of every time a family member or friend gave you advice. Was it wanted? Did the advice work for you? What happened if the advice didn’t work? 

When I think of the advice I received regarding my illnesses, mental and physical, I can only think of one word — disappointing. For me, the advice felt hurtful and unhelpful more often than not. Furthermore, I felt more alone than before. I found myself asking, “Why did this not work? What is wrong with me?”

This is why I do not give advice to clients. It can be a set-up for failure and disappointment. Not only is there a potential for increased self-loathing, but the advice could ruin any progress made in therapy thus far. I work from a relational counseling perspective. What this means is that my main priority with each client is creating a strong relationship in which we can explore and grow together. I trust you to know yourself better than I could ever dream. Giving advice can inadvertently say, “I know what’s best for you,” (which I don’t). Advice is not worth the price of your overall well-being.

I can provide you with coping skills and research-based strategies to implement, but I will not give you advice. Coping skills are based on science and research. Advice is based primarily on personal experiences. The advice can bring up feelings of inadequacy and even betrayal from the advice-giver. It would be negligent to pretend that I have the answers you want or feel you need 100% of the time. My job is to be with you as you experiment with coping strategies and provide encouragement when you don’t know what to do next.

Therapy is not a “quick fix”. It is a process filled with ups and downs, failures and successes. Therapy is a journey only you can take, but this does not mean you have to go through the journey alone. Let’s explore this path together. Be courageous and see what happens when you try something new!